'I can't control what happens to me - but I can control my reaction to it'
This realisation was a huge turning point for me on my recovery journey. This realisation that I cannot possibly control everything. I now see that I had big issues with trying to control things that were totally out of my control - thus leading to heightened levels of anxiety, paranoia and worry. I feel that this was a natural reaction for me - as I spent so many years feeling totally out of control, being controlled by my monthly cycle. So it was only natural that I felt the need to take control in other ways. But thankfully I have now adopted the above mantra. Yes I still worry and try and plan - but I no longer NEED to plan or be in control of the future. I'm much more relaxed and laid back now, and generally take each day as it comes.
I am also now a firm believer that in my life everything seems to happen for a reason. For example in April this year I lost my job quite suddenly. It was not only a massive shock but also a big Trigger for me. I immediately turned to my WRAP plan and made sure that I was taking extra care of myself, utilising my wellness tools and calling on the help of my supporters. At the time it was one of the worst thing imaginable for me, my biggest triggers apart from my hormones are family upsets, illness and finance/work issues. But fast forward - here I sit in August a much happier person. I have had time to rethink my career plans and have had the courage to follow my dream of setting up my own charity (watch this space). I have managed financially, it's not been easy but its amazing how you manage when you need to. And most importantly I have had 6 wonderful fun filled weeks with my beautiful boys before my youngest starts primary 1. We have been camping, skiddling in burns catching tiddlers, making campfires and playing dominoes - all these simple things have given me so much pleasure. I have many new wellness tools in my WRAP now!! So in the end I'm rather pleased that I lost my job - it's definitely been for a reason.
Also - I never in my wildest dreams would have picked the career path that I am now following, it has been my own experiences of mental health challenges that have brought me here. I remember someone asked me if I could remove everything that has happened to me would I?? Of course I wish I hadn't experienced the hurt and pain, and hadn't caused others hurt and pain - but I reckon I wouldn't change it because my experiences have shaped who I am today - and you know what I quite like myself these days :)
So yes WRAP has taught me this valuable lesson - it also taught me lesson number 3 'I can't control other peoples actions - only my reactions to them'
Speak Soon
Donna :)
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