Human beings are the most wonderful creation, and there is nothing I love more than spending time with other people. I'm in the line of work that I'm in because I am a people person. However - there are times in life where sadly others have the ability to really hurt - even damage us, by their words and actions.
When I deliver WRAP I spend a fair bit of time talking about self esteem - and how low self esteem can affect us, particularly in relation to being able to advocate for ourselves. I'm going to use Robbie Williams as an example here. Take a look at the words to his song Hello Sir (apologies for the sweary words!) :
Hello Sir"
Hello Sir, remember me?
I'm the man you thought I'd never be
The boy who you reduced to tears
Lad called 'thingy' for six whole years.
Yes, that's right, my name's Bob
The one who landed the pop star's job
The one you told, look don't touch
The kid who wouldn't amount to much.
Well, I'm here and you're still there
With a fake sports car and receding hair.
Dodgy Farah trousers that you think are smart
Married to the woman who teaches art.
Married to the life, married to the school
I wanna sing and dance Sir; now who's the fool?
Sing and dance, you thought I was barmy
Settle down thingy, join the army.
And who are you to tell me this?
The dream I want I'll have to miss
Sir is God, he's been given the right
To structure lives overnight.
Now I know life's true path
Tanks and guns that'll be a laugh
No, not me I'm a mega civilian
I won't lead my life riding pillion.
But thanks for the advice and I'm sure it'll do
For the negative dickheads just like you.
As for now I've a different weapon
Stage and screen is about to beckon.
And here I sit in first class
Bollocks Sir, kiss my arse...
This teacher obviously did not fill Robbie Williams head with positive thoughts and feelings, and perhaps that is reflected in some of the issues that Robbie has had over time? But..............Robbie has gone out there and he pursued his dream, he didn't let this negativity stop him.
There have been times in my life where people have hurt me, doubted me, upset me, made me angry. I have not always responded in the best way, and on many occasions I have given away hours and hours - perhaps even days/weeks of my precious brain space worrying, being angry or even trying to 'get even'.
This was one of the light bulb moments for me when I participated in WRAP (took me a bit longer to put it into practice though - hey I'm only human!)
I CANNOT control others peoples actions - but what I can control is my reaction to them.
I can choose to argue back or I can choose to walk away.
I can choose to absorb the negativity - or I can choose to let it brush off me.
I can choose to hang around people who make me feel negative - or I can choose to move on.
I have choices, and it's up to me what choice I take.
And in the words of Robbie Williams and also my best friend and very wise co-facilitator - I have decided that some people can kiss my asse :)
I care deeply about the people who matter to me, and the other people who wish to bring me down - they no longer matter :)
Thursday 22 August 2013
Tuesday 13 August 2013
My Little Wellness Tool is off to school, A Mothers Letter To The World
Well, my little wellness tool is off to school tomoz. I cannot quite believe how fast the last 5 years have gone. I will miss him - the house will be very quiet and i'm not sure that I do quiet!!
So here's one for any peeps out there feeling the way I do today
A Mother's Letter To The World
Dear World:
My son starts school today. It's going to be strange
and new to him for a while.
And I wish you would sort of treat him gently.
You see, up to now, he's been king of the roost.
He's been boss of the backyard.
I have always been around to repair his wounds,
and to soothe his feelings.
But now-things are going to be different.
This morning, he's going to walk down the front steps,
wave his hand and start on his great adventure
that will probably include wars and tragedy and sorrow.
To live his life in the world he has to live in will require
faith and love and courage.
So, World, I wish you would sort of take him by his young hand
and teach him the things he will have to know. Teach him-but gently, if you can.
Teach him that for every scoundrel there is a hero;
that for every crooked politician there is a dedicated leader;
that for every enemy there is a friend.
Teach him the wonders of books.
Give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky,
bees in the sun, and flowers on the green hill.
Teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat.
Teach him to have faith in his own ideas,
even if everyone else tells him they are wrong.
Teach him to sell his brawn and brains to the highest bidder,
but never to put a price on his heart and soul.
Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob...
and to stand and fight if he thinks he's right.
Teach him gently, World, but don't coddle him,
because only the test of fire makes fine steel.
This is a big order, World, but see what you can do.
He's such a nice little fellow.
...Author Unknown
So here's one for any peeps out there feeling the way I do today
A Mother's Letter To The World
Dear World:
My son starts school today. It's going to be strange
and new to him for a while.
And I wish you would sort of treat him gently.
You see, up to now, he's been king of the roost.
He's been boss of the backyard.
I have always been around to repair his wounds,
and to soothe his feelings.
But now-things are going to be different.
This morning, he's going to walk down the front steps,
wave his hand and start on his great adventure
that will probably include wars and tragedy and sorrow.
To live his life in the world he has to live in will require
faith and love and courage.
So, World, I wish you would sort of take him by his young hand
and teach him the things he will have to know. Teach him-but gently, if you can.
Teach him that for every scoundrel there is a hero;
that for every crooked politician there is a dedicated leader;
that for every enemy there is a friend.
Teach him the wonders of books.
Give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky,
bees in the sun, and flowers on the green hill.
Teach him it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat.
Teach him to have faith in his own ideas,
even if everyone else tells him they are wrong.
Teach him to sell his brawn and brains to the highest bidder,
but never to put a price on his heart and soul.
Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob...
and to stand and fight if he thinks he's right.
Teach him gently, World, but don't coddle him,
because only the test of fire makes fine steel.
This is a big order, World, but see what you can do.
He's such a nice little fellow.
...Author Unknown
Monday 12 August 2013
WRAP Lesson 2 - 'I can't control what happens to me - but I can control my reaction to it'
'I can't control what happens to me - but I can control my reaction to it'
This realisation was a huge turning point for me on my recovery journey. This realisation that I cannot possibly control everything. I now see that I had big issues with trying to control things that were totally out of my control - thus leading to heightened levels of anxiety, paranoia and worry. I feel that this was a natural reaction for me - as I spent so many years feeling totally out of control, being controlled by my monthly cycle. So it was only natural that I felt the need to take control in other ways. But thankfully I have now adopted the above mantra. Yes I still worry and try and plan - but I no longer NEED to plan or be in control of the future. I'm much more relaxed and laid back now, and generally take each day as it comes.
I am also now a firm believer that in my life everything seems to happen for a reason. For example in April this year I lost my job quite suddenly. It was not only a massive shock but also a big Trigger for me. I immediately turned to my WRAP plan and made sure that I was taking extra care of myself, utilising my wellness tools and calling on the help of my supporters. At the time it was one of the worst thing imaginable for me, my biggest triggers apart from my hormones are family upsets, illness and finance/work issues. But fast forward - here I sit in August a much happier person. I have had time to rethink my career plans and have had the courage to follow my dream of setting up my own charity (watch this space). I have managed financially, it's not been easy but its amazing how you manage when you need to. And most importantly I have had 6 wonderful fun filled weeks with my beautiful boys before my youngest starts primary 1. We have been camping, skiddling in burns catching tiddlers, making campfires and playing dominoes - all these simple things have given me so much pleasure. I have many new wellness tools in my WRAP now!! So in the end I'm rather pleased that I lost my job - it's definitely been for a reason.
Also - I never in my wildest dreams would have picked the career path that I am now following, it has been my own experiences of mental health challenges that have brought me here. I remember someone asked me if I could remove everything that has happened to me would I?? Of course I wish I hadn't experienced the hurt and pain, and hadn't caused others hurt and pain - but I reckon I wouldn't change it because my experiences have shaped who I am today - and you know what I quite like myself these days :)
So yes WRAP has taught me this valuable lesson - it also taught me lesson number 3 'I can't control other peoples actions - only my reactions to them'
Speak Soon
Donna :)
This realisation was a huge turning point for me on my recovery journey. This realisation that I cannot possibly control everything. I now see that I had big issues with trying to control things that were totally out of my control - thus leading to heightened levels of anxiety, paranoia and worry. I feel that this was a natural reaction for me - as I spent so many years feeling totally out of control, being controlled by my monthly cycle. So it was only natural that I felt the need to take control in other ways. But thankfully I have now adopted the above mantra. Yes I still worry and try and plan - but I no longer NEED to plan or be in control of the future. I'm much more relaxed and laid back now, and generally take each day as it comes.
I am also now a firm believer that in my life everything seems to happen for a reason. For example in April this year I lost my job quite suddenly. It was not only a massive shock but also a big Trigger for me. I immediately turned to my WRAP plan and made sure that I was taking extra care of myself, utilising my wellness tools and calling on the help of my supporters. At the time it was one of the worst thing imaginable for me, my biggest triggers apart from my hormones are family upsets, illness and finance/work issues. But fast forward - here I sit in August a much happier person. I have had time to rethink my career plans and have had the courage to follow my dream of setting up my own charity (watch this space). I have managed financially, it's not been easy but its amazing how you manage when you need to. And most importantly I have had 6 wonderful fun filled weeks with my beautiful boys before my youngest starts primary 1. We have been camping, skiddling in burns catching tiddlers, making campfires and playing dominoes - all these simple things have given me so much pleasure. I have many new wellness tools in my WRAP now!! So in the end I'm rather pleased that I lost my job - it's definitely been for a reason.
Also - I never in my wildest dreams would have picked the career path that I am now following, it has been my own experiences of mental health challenges that have brought me here. I remember someone asked me if I could remove everything that has happened to me would I?? Of course I wish I hadn't experienced the hurt and pain, and hadn't caused others hurt and pain - but I reckon I wouldn't change it because my experiences have shaped who I am today - and you know what I quite like myself these days :)
So yes WRAP has taught me this valuable lesson - it also taught me lesson number 3 'I can't control other peoples actions - only my reactions to them'
Speak Soon
Donna :)
Sunday 11 August 2013
Reflections on WRAP, 4 years on
The last few months I have spent a lot of time reflecting on a lot of things. One of my ways of dealing with a 'full head' is to literally empty it out onto paper. I have many little notebooks full of scribbles, and I have decided its time to share some of those scribbles.
It is 4 years this weekend since I had surgery which meant that I gave up my fertility. This wasn't an easy decision to take, but having suffered with Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder for 10 years it was a decision that I had to take - or I am not sure that I would be here writing this blog. (if you wish you can read more about my journey here - http://www.scottishrecovery.net/Latest-News/behind-closed-doors-new-personal-story-of-recovery.html and if you recognise yourself in the story you can get help and support here http://pms.org.uk/
So I'm 4 years down the line from surgery and I now manage Early Menopause - which although compared to PMDD is a walk in the park - EM still throws challenges my way. Just for reference - I carried out a survey recently with 100 ladies living in Early Meno to see what were the most troubling symptoms. Right up there at the top alongside flushing was anxiety and depression, with an approximate 60% of ladies struggling.
I digress - apologies. Anyway, the reason I am so passionate about WRAP is because for the last 4.5 years WRAP has undoubtedly enabled me to keep myself well. I first came across WRAP 3 months before my surgery, and I used it as a planning tool to help me prepare for how I may feel in the run up to, and after my surgery. I shared it with my family and friends - sharing with them the early warning signs to look out for and all my wellness tools so that they could encourage and support me post op. Yes my WRAP plan started out in a book, but it now lives within me. Quite simply it has become a way of life for me. I always advocate that WRAP is for anyone interested in Wellness, and quite simply it is. I was determined 4 years ago that I wanted to start living well, enjoying life and stop that horrible feeling of just treading water. WRAP has enabled me to do this by giving me priceless insight into myself and a tool to manage the ups and downs safe in the knowledge that I am in control.
The last 4 years have not all been plain sailing, infact far from it. This last year especially has been a difficult one with a lot of challenges thrown my way - but I am moving onwards and upwards thanks to my WRAP. I will share with you over the next few weeks some of the lessons that I have learnt, and how WRAP has helped me.
Lesson 1 - WRAP is for anyone who wants to live well
It is 4 years this weekend since I had surgery which meant that I gave up my fertility. This wasn't an easy decision to take, but having suffered with Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder for 10 years it was a decision that I had to take - or I am not sure that I would be here writing this blog. (if you wish you can read more about my journey here - http://www.scottishrecovery.net/Latest-News/behind-closed-doors-new-personal-story-of-recovery.html and if you recognise yourself in the story you can get help and support here http://pms.org.uk/
So I'm 4 years down the line from surgery and I now manage Early Menopause - which although compared to PMDD is a walk in the park - EM still throws challenges my way. Just for reference - I carried out a survey recently with 100 ladies living in Early Meno to see what were the most troubling symptoms. Right up there at the top alongside flushing was anxiety and depression, with an approximate 60% of ladies struggling.
I digress - apologies. Anyway, the reason I am so passionate about WRAP is because for the last 4.5 years WRAP has undoubtedly enabled me to keep myself well. I first came across WRAP 3 months before my surgery, and I used it as a planning tool to help me prepare for how I may feel in the run up to, and after my surgery. I shared it with my family and friends - sharing with them the early warning signs to look out for and all my wellness tools so that they could encourage and support me post op. Yes my WRAP plan started out in a book, but it now lives within me. Quite simply it has become a way of life for me. I always advocate that WRAP is for anyone interested in Wellness, and quite simply it is. I was determined 4 years ago that I wanted to start living well, enjoying life and stop that horrible feeling of just treading water. WRAP has enabled me to do this by giving me priceless insight into myself and a tool to manage the ups and downs safe in the knowledge that I am in control.
The last 4 years have not all been plain sailing, infact far from it. This last year especially has been a difficult one with a lot of challenges thrown my way - but I am moving onwards and upwards thanks to my WRAP. I will share with you over the next few weeks some of the lessons that I have learnt, and how WRAP has helped me.
Lesson 1 - WRAP is for anyone who wants to live well
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