Hope Cafe - Small but Fiesty

Hope Cafe is a small project set in rural Clydesdale - so it was literally astounding for me today to hear how we have made such a significant impact on the mental health and recovery movement/ agenda here in Scotland. 
For the last 2 days I have been participating in the Scottish Recovery Network/See Me Scotland Rights For Life National Conference.

I am absolutely blown away by the enthusiasm in the room about our (what I thought was) wee project The Hope Cafe. 

Hope Cafe is a perfect example of a  project that has grown naturally from a need and a want right at the roots of a local community. 

It was NOT created in response to some strategy at government level or even a policy at local level.  It was not designed by "professionals".  It was designed and created by people in the community who knew what would have helped them at a time they were struggling with their mental health.

Hope Cafe is not a rich, well funded project.  It is a project that runs on a shoestring budget and the passion and determination of its staff and volunteers.  But it is a project that regardless of the many barriers it has faced in terms of location, lack of funding, lack of understanding - has against all odds managed to flourish on what was not necessarily fertile ground when we first started out.

Anyone who heard me talk about our project at the conference would have heard me speak quite openly about the many challenges we faced in the beginning as a peer led project.  We were met by many closed doors, much ignorance and mis-understanding and some downright nastiness if I'm quite honest. 

But - here we are being looked upon as a great example of recovery focused peer led practice in Scotland.  How have we managed it??

If I'm 100% honest I'm not quite sure.  In theory it should all have gone bottoms up when we tentatively stepped out in our small community speaking so openly about mental health.  But it didn't - and that gives me great hope.  It shows me that things are changing - and change is good.
I wanted to try and give you my tips for helping positive change to happen - so here we go:

1.  Be hopeful
2.  You don't need a lot of money to make a lot of difference
3.  Activism does not need to be about battering down doors, insulting "them" and demanding change
4.  There is no "them and us", we are them and they are us
5.  Quiet, confident persistence works - if you know you have a good idea stick with it
6.  You are stronger than you think you are, when you feel like giving up - rest & re-fresh & go back
7.  Never give up on something you believe in
8.  Utilise the strengths of those around you - many people have hidden talents waiting to be found
9.  Surround yourself with positive sources of inspiration
10. Don't get bogged down with what's not working - focus on what is working
11. Be realistic but optimistic
12. Get a WRAP plan to help you maintain your wellness
13. Be more hopeful

What this conference has really made me reflect on most is number 4 - There is no "them and us"

At the end of today I stood and shook hands with the Mental Health & Well-Being "bigwig" for my NHS area.  2 years ago I truly saw him as the key to the destiny of Hope Cafe.  I thought he was the guy that could make Hope Cafe happen and was very disappointed (maybe even angry) when he didn't at that time appear to have the same passion for it as me.
I thought we needed him but now I realise we didn't need him - but we wanted him on board because he is a good guy.  And I think I now realise that because he is a good guy - he let us figure it out for ourselves.
Now as we stand recognised as a fantastic example of good practice - we want him to be a part of helping us to continue to develop what is a fantastic project. 
Im pleased to say that over the last 2 years he has supported us (not always agreed with us - or us with him!!) and encouraged us - often very subtly.  He has enabled us to grow into our own skin.  We have agreed to disagree and that's ok because ultimately what we both realised was that we want the same things - just from different angles.  But the door has always been open and we have always been treated as a respected partner - an equal.
ultimately what we all want is a community that encourages, enables and supports recovery.  And I am very pleased to say that we seem to be on the right track. 

I guess what I took away from today was something that was said at the start of the day "We don't want to build walls - we want to build bridges"  

11 years being angry at myself when it really wasn't my fault...

This week I took a big step and viewed my medical notes from my time spent as an in-patient in psychiatric wards.  I always knew that it would be a challenging thing to do - but I felt the time was right. 
They made interesting reading.  That time of my life has always been a bit blurry to say the least.  I was unsure of how long I spent in hospital etc.  Its not something that has ever been spoken openly about in my family.   For many years I carried a huge amount of embarrassment about this time in my life.  I often wondered if I could have done more to prevent what happened, if I could have taken more personal responsibility etc ,  From reading my notes I can finally say in all honesty that what was very very clear was that I was very mentally unwell, and that people were not listening to what I was telling them.  I am so fortunate that I finally found an excellent GP who pieced together all the bots of information that led to my diagnosis and treatment for PMDD.

Here is a brief rundown of events:
6 months of continuous decline in mood following a hormonal injection (trigger) - no suicidal thoughts
Given Fluoxetine by GP, after 5 days I was taken to A & E by my family as I was extremely distressed and expressing suicidal thoughts and intent.  Had written notes etc
Admitted, questioned about marriage/stress levels etc and given diazepam and told to reduce stress levels
Discharged 2 days later on a higher dose of Fluoxetine with no follow up planned except GP
2 days later admitted to hospital after a "serious attempt at own life"
Medically treated and discharged back to GP with referral to CPN  - anything up to 16 weeks to see....
Still on Fluoxetine....

Thankfully my GP saw the red flag that everyone else seemed to have missed and immediately changed my drug therapy to venlafaxine.

Amongst other things that disturbed me was some of the language used in my medical notes.  I experienced huge self-stigma over the years and I wonder how helpful this conversation must have been to me...
Nurse "on discussing this today (suicide attempt) Donna realises this was a foolish thing to do"

But I am glad that I have read them.  It has helped me to piece together a sequence of events that I can now process, make sense of and let go. 

I am so thankful that my attempt failed and so thankful that I can now make a difference to others.
Onwards & upwards - to infinity and beyond :)

When you Wish Upon a Star (And you have the passion that lived experience brings...)

Tonight I worked alongside 3 volunteers from Hope Cafe as we worked hard to get the cafe ready for opening.  I cannot even begin to describe what it feels like to have achieved this dream.  So so so many years of thinking "you can't, you shouldn't, you won't, you will fail" have finally turned into "I can, I will and now I have!!"
In the words of Jiminy Cricket (many fond memories of watching this with my beloved Nana)

"When a star is born
They possess a gift or two
One of them is this
To make your dreams come true

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon that star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longings

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon that star
Your dreams comes true

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longings

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon that star
Your dreams comes true"

 

Thank you Nana - always in my heart and dreams xxx

Enjoy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGP-1eMgzUE

Social Enterprise - A New Way To Do Business

Thought I would share with you a piece I put together for high school students that I was asked to speak to about business.  Writing it made me realise how very very fortunate I am to be able to run a social enterprise.

Have you ever thought about running a business that wasn't necessarily about making you rich?  What if you thought about running a business that made you happy?

Is money what makes your world turn? Or is it happiness, compassion and a sense of satisfaction?

If you answered yes to the first question then social enterprise is probably not for you.  However if you answered yes to the second question then it most probably is.

Social enterprise is a new way of doing business.  Well,,,,I say it's a new way but I actually don't think it is.  I think that its the way that business used to be done before we got so caught up in this rat race that is life.  It s a way of doing business that helps your neighbour as much as it helps you.  If we turn back the clock to the years where my Nana was growing up it seems to be that life was about helping others.

What has changed?? 

The answer is quite simply life has changed.  We live in a society  where its all about what you have got in your life.   But is that what really matters?? 
At the end of the day - we ain't getting out this adventure called life alive no matter what way we look at it.  And in reality the only legacy we leave in this world is two things - the balance we have in the bank and the difference we have made. 

Personally I would much rather tick the second box.  You see my social enterprise will never give me a big bank balance.  My social enterprise wont have me rubbing shoulders with the elite in society.
But.. my social enterprise makes me rich in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. 

Every single day I meet people who inspire me.  People who are fighting battles, personally and professionally to make life better for those experiencing mental ill-health.  These people are strong, beautiful and inspiring.  They fill my heart and soul far more than any amount of money ever would.
They show me that amongst all the doom and gloom in the world - that there is hope.  That people care for each other.  And that people have the ability to make the difference that is needed in the world.

My social enterprise won't make me rich - but it will pay me enough to pay my bills.  I'm not going to pretend it isn't hard to look around me sometimes and think "I could/should be earning more".  There are days when I think - "what the hell am I doing???  Will I ever made a REAL difference in this whole mucked up world?? - what is the point in trying??"  But I would have those days anyway no matter what type of business I was running.

But with a social enterprise that is balanced out by far by the positives of the job.
I know that change happens one person, one attitude at a time - so I keep going.  And I am never far away from the next reminder of the difference I am making. 
So please - consider a social enterprise as a way of doing business - because doing good really does you good!!

Lots of interest in lived experience - but no money to pay for it.

Please excuse if this sounds a wee bit like a rant but I wonder if others are sharing my frustration. 
There is a lot of interest at the moment around using lived experience to inform services etc which is absolutely fantastic.  I have received many many requests over the last few years.  This is 100% a move forward in the right direction.
However - it seems that in most cases there is "no budget" to pay for it.  HHHMMMMM

I have worked in the NHS and I now work in the voluntary sector - I know money is tight.  But if the big organisations and the LA's and NHS think they have it hard - try being a small voluntary organisation, 
Try working 40+ hours per week and getting paid part-time.  Try running a project on a shoe string budget but trying to make it the best it can be to prove its value and worth to  said LA's & NHS in the hope of a flake of dandruff from their budget in order to sustain your project.  Try telling people that their experiences are valued and important - but then tell them they are not valuable enough to be paid for.
This really isn't meant to be a rant - but its a realistic view of what I have seen happening over the last 2 years. 
I am living in hope that with the integration of H&S Care and the strong focus on peer support and self-management within the MH Strategy - that we may start to see a shift not only in the talk - but in the walk.  Lets see some real shift of budgets to enable people with lived experience and their inputs into projects and services be valued.
In the meantime, yes we will do it free of charge.  We will fuel it as usual with the passion and determination that keeps us doing all of the above.  Because if we don't nothing will change.  I wonder....are we doing the right thing??
 

How WRAP really helped me in 2014 - Focus on whats strong

As we move into 2015 I can't help but reflect back on 2014 and think WOW what a year!!  I can honestly say that 2014 has been without a doubt the best year I have had for as long as I can remember. 
It hasn't been an easy year - far from it.  Health wise I have embarked on a new treatment regime which has as always had its ups an downs and affected both my physical and mental health.  In terms of work I have never worked so hard and given so much of myself before.  Family wise my boys continue to grow and there is the little part inside me that aches every day with the pain of knowing that there will never be another little one in our family courtesy of my fertility being taken from me by illness.
However - a very strange thing has occurred.  Regardless of all of the above I can honestly say hand on heart that this is the first year in at least 10 years that I have not had a significant downturn in my mental health. 
This year has been different and reflecting back I understand why.  This year I have 100% put my WRAP to work, but more than that I have truly embraced what is known as the "assets based approach" to life.  In simple terms - focusing on what's right not what's wrong.   
Looking back I think that this seed was planted when I first encountered WRAP. WRAP very much encourages you to focus on what you can do - not what you can't.  It has been a seed that has taken time to grow, but it has slowly blossomed and it now feels like its strong and rooted. 
I didn't waken up one day and BOOM life had miraculously changed, I worked on change.  I worked on really trying hard to see the positives in each situation rather than the negatives. 
I really started to self advocate with regards to my health & treatment options and this has led to positive change.  I entered my new treatment regime with an optimistic but realistic view - that things were going to be rocky but I had the tools and support to deal with it.  And I did deal with it (and still am).  My knowledge of both myself and my treatment options have aided this process greatly - without them I would still be stumbling around in the dark. 
I literally took the bull by the horns and decided that if I wanted my life to change then I needed to change it.  I needed a new challenge and wanted to make a real difference for others who are living with long term health conditions that affect their mental health.  But I needed support to do it.  So I asked for help - simple!  And before I knew where I was I had registered a charity and secured funding for a new project, The Hope Café.  It was as much of a shock to me as it was to my long suffering and ever so patient husband who simply said "you've done WHAT???"
And that is the biggie in all of this - the little but large thing called HOPE.  The very first key concept that underpins the WRAP programme.  With it you have everything - without it you have nothing.  Hope has been the fuel to my fire in 2014 and I carry it forward into 2015 in abundance.  Hope is unique to each individual - but what's important is that you have it.  In 2014 I found it in abundance from the people who surrounded me, supported me and believed in me.  There were times where things went wrong, times when things didn't work out quite as planned but having hope and a belief that things would and could get better absolutely carried me through what has turned out to be a fantastic year. 
So below are a few of the little sayings that struck a cord with me and helped me in 2014 - I hope they help you.  And if you would like to learn more about WRAP and The Hope Café Self-management Peer Support project why not come along to our information session on 20th January and say hi - details here http://hopecafelanarkshire.org.uk/news/want-find-out-more-about-hope-cafe-come-chat-us-January