Dear Justin Tomlinson
I noted with interest that during the ESA & PIP debate at Westminster on 30th November that you urged Ministers to observe an assessment which you feel are an "opportunity" for people to get help.
My experience was not that, however I do have to say that I was treated with as much dignity and respect as possible by the assessors who had to subject me to the grilling that these assessments dictate,
However - I write this letter to you as an open invitation to attend my next assessment with me.
But before you do so I would ask that you would take some time to come and walk in my family's shoes on a bad day - so that we are not complete strangers.......
I would ask that you come and take my children age 8 and 11 to school and explain to them why their Mum who loves them dearly cannot physically get herself out of bed to take them. That would allow my husband to return to some sort of normality with his work life which pays our mortgage and bills currently whilst I am not well enough to work. You could then spend an hour with my husband and listen to how caring for me is impacting upon him and his health and well-being.
I would ask that you come and wipe away the tears that I cry because I spend from 9am-3pm wishing the kids were safe at home with me rather than at school where I am convinced something bad is going to happen to them - and then 3pm-9pm wishing they would go to bed because I am such a wreck that I can't cook them dinner, do their homework or even muster up the energy to converse with them. Come wipe away my 8 year old's tears when he asks me if I am going to die and leave him and all I can do is cry in response.
It would be helpful if you could come and cook for the boys and my husband as I am currently unable to as the very smell of food makes me want to vomit and the medication that I am on to treat my anxiety and depression makes me unsafe in the kitchen.
I would ask that you come and hold my hair whilst I vomit bile from an empty stomach every morning due to the anxiety of having to face another day, quickly followed by the other end evacuating itself due to my IBS/IBD. (Sorry - bit graphic but welcome to my world)
Come and sit with me as I lie on the couch with my car keys in my hand watching the clock for the next train that is due to pass the railway line that I could drive my car onto to end this pain that I feel like I cannot bear for a minute longer. Help me to stay strong enough to realize that this is not the answer.
Come help me argue every minute of the day and night with the voice in my head that tells me I am a waste of space and that everyone would be better off if I'm dead. Remind me that I WILL get better.
Then I am sure you would be a fantastic help with filling out the forms for DWP, Come help me as I have to put down on paper my worst days and nights. Remind me that what I see in-front of me in black and white is an illness - its not me because right now I feel like I am nothing but my illness.
As one of the Ministers so rightly pointed out - this is NOT a spectator sport. We are being asked to pour our hearts and lives out to a complete stranger whilst we are deeply unwell, and in my case TWICE within 8 weeks. But......my invitation still stands.
I look forward to hearing from you
A Tired and Frustrated Benefits Claimant
