Today is 'wine Wednesday'. This is the one 'school night' that I allow myself to sit down, relax and have a glass or two of wine. When I completed my first ever WRAP I had wine right up there in my wellness toolbox - I enjoy it and it makes me feel good. However - as I started to learn more about myself through living WRAP it became very obvious very quickly that wine wasn't always a wellness tool. Infact - more often than not it was an early warning sign - and could even be a trigger.
For example - how many of us have come in from a crap day at work and thought - I'll have a wee drink to relax?? Lots of us. Then before you know it you are having a 'wee drink' almost every night to 'relax'. So - I now recognise that if I am feeling that I NEED to have a drink to relax - then its not a wellness tool - its an early warning sign that I need to be dealing with whatever is causing me to feel low, anxious or worried.
It can also in itself be a trigger - especially in my experience if I am already feeling low. Feeling the way I have been lately - it is very tempting to reach for a glass - as it gives me that lovely cosy glow where the world doesn't seem to grey....................for about half an hour. So my way of taking personal responsibility has been to create 'wine Wednesday' - the day where I allow wine to act as a wellness tool - and I do not allow myself to do any work of any sort past 7.30pm.
I am glad to say that I feel as if things are on the up. I'm still not 100% - but i'm 73% which is better than 70 % for the last few weeks.
Onwards and upwards thanks to my pal WRAP :)
Wednesday 30 October 2013
Monday 21 October 2013
Hello Depression..............it's been a while
So.....a few months of teetering around early warning signs has progressed to the next level. As WRAP is such a personal and unique tool - my signs may seem strange to others - but are relevant to me. I'm used to fluctuations in my anxiety levels - I know that this is a very very common symptom of Early Menopause. I'm even used to dealing with fluctuations in mood - that are not necessarily reactive to the world around me. I am - and always have been incredibly hormonally challenged. There is lots of new studies out there that are showing that women like myself who experienced PMDD (Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder) appear to have different brain wiring, that's the best way I can explain it. And it is something that I have always known about myself as I respond very unusually to drugs that have absolutely no affect on others. I'm convinced my brain wiring is a bit higgilty piggilty!!
Anyway I have many early warning signs - but what my WRAP helped me to learn was that it's how long these go on for - and how intense they become that is the key to me managing any further decline. So this low mood and higher than normal anxiety has been hanging about for a little bit too long for my liking, probably around 3/4 months now. And I knew it was time to take action when I found myself wanting to stay in bed all day more than 2 or 3 times in the last few weeks. Looking back I think it was triggered by a couple of things happening at once; losing my job suddenly and unexpectedly, finding out that people I thought were my friends and cared about me obviously didn't, and a few family things that I won't go into. So I'm not 100% surprised that I'm where I am today but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a tad disappointed. I work very very hard to stay well, I am very active in my own care and am very lucky to have a fantastic GP and circle of support. So why have I succumbed to this low mood? But then I get my sensible hat back on and remind myself to practice what I preach. Depression can happen to ANYONE at ANY TIME. Chuck Seasonal Affective Disorder into the mix and BOOM!!
The good thing is that this time I'm entering this battle with hope - as I know that things will get better. I have already been very pro-active in taking personal responsibility for the things that I can - using my lightbox, removing all unnecessary stresses/anxieties, implementing lots of wellness tools. And I have called upon my supporters to help me in the ways that they can. I have made an appointment to talk with my GP about a plan of action. I am aware that this may involve taking a course of medication - so I have done my research and looked into what my options are (Education).
I'm actually really interested to see where WRAP takes me with this episode - as this is the first time that I have reached this stage since I fully embraced WRAP into my life. And WRAP definitely hasn't failed me - infact I'm pretty sure that it has saved me. Heres to recovery :)
Anyway I have many early warning signs - but what my WRAP helped me to learn was that it's how long these go on for - and how intense they become that is the key to me managing any further decline. So this low mood and higher than normal anxiety has been hanging about for a little bit too long for my liking, probably around 3/4 months now. And I knew it was time to take action when I found myself wanting to stay in bed all day more than 2 or 3 times in the last few weeks. Looking back I think it was triggered by a couple of things happening at once; losing my job suddenly and unexpectedly, finding out that people I thought were my friends and cared about me obviously didn't, and a few family things that I won't go into. So I'm not 100% surprised that I'm where I am today but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a tad disappointed. I work very very hard to stay well, I am very active in my own care and am very lucky to have a fantastic GP and circle of support. So why have I succumbed to this low mood? But then I get my sensible hat back on and remind myself to practice what I preach. Depression can happen to ANYONE at ANY TIME. Chuck Seasonal Affective Disorder into the mix and BOOM!!
The good thing is that this time I'm entering this battle with hope - as I know that things will get better. I have already been very pro-active in taking personal responsibility for the things that I can - using my lightbox, removing all unnecessary stresses/anxieties, implementing lots of wellness tools. And I have called upon my supporters to help me in the ways that they can. I have made an appointment to talk with my GP about a plan of action. I am aware that this may involve taking a course of medication - so I have done my research and looked into what my options are (Education).
I'm actually really interested to see where WRAP takes me with this episode - as this is the first time that I have reached this stage since I fully embraced WRAP into my life. And WRAP definitely hasn't failed me - infact I'm pretty sure that it has saved me. Heres to recovery :)
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